How can you tell if you are in a toxic relationship? Here are some indications:
· Your partner abuses you verbally in front of others
· While your partner claims they love you, you aren’t feeling any of it.
· Your partner is controlling - opening your mail or “showing up” at inopportune times.
· Your significant other tries to make you dependent on them.
· You have changed yourself just to please them.
Toxic people make you sick just being around them. So, why would anyone end up in a toxic relationship? Why would
anyone want to be with someone who makes them feel emotionally or physically harmed?
There is a cycle to a toxic relationship. There’s a honeymoon period, followed by an argument or fight, followed by
resolving the issue - at which point the cycle begins anew.
When you first meet your new partner, this is of course, the honeymoon stage. It is not until they’ve sucked you in
further than you realize, that you are in a toxic relationship. At that point, it is not easy to get out.
One reason is that lots of couples in a toxic relationship were raised in a toxic home. As a result, they copy the
patterns of their childhood without even knowing they’re doing it. And, they may not know any better. Others
believe they do not deserve happiness. Still others find that they enjoy taking care of people.
But the initial step in getting out and staying out of a toxic relationship is to come to the realization that you
have choices. Often people who stay in these couples have low self esteem or suffer from depression.
The next step after you realize there are choices is to start putting yourself first. In most toxic relationships,
the toxic partner has taught you that it is all your fault. Once you buy into this, it can be very difficult to
either walk away from the relationship or set new limits that can heal the relationship.
For some people, the support of therapy groups can help them either get out of or at least redefine these horrible
relationships.
There is hope. People are able to break the cycles of a toxic relationship. Some of them leave the relationship and
form new, healthier bonds.
But there are other people who are able to repair the relationship and continue it.
The fact is that most relationships can be salvaged. Sometimes it takes a little space. Other times, it takes
counseling. But if both partners make an attempt, it is possible to renew the bonds in a healthy way.
The first thing you must do is make the decision that either the relationship improves or you will leave it. If you
aren’t willing to walk away, you’ll never be able to heal that which divides you.
Now that you have freed yourself from the dependency that is the core of the toxic relationship, you can insist on
what you need from the relationship. Don’t nag the other person. Simply say “I need your support,” “I need your
love,” or “I need your truthful opinion.”
You have to let your partner know that you will walk away if you don’t get what you need in the relationship.
There has to be give and take in a healthy relationship. In a toxic relationship, the street is only going one way.
You have the power to change that, but you must take the power into your own hands.
Oscar Rheasoneg,
T 'Dub' authored a simple, down to earth step by step plan called "The Magic Of Making Up". And you know, it worked like magic
for us. Now we are more in love than ever.
